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Writer's pictureShaeM

A Lesson From Funerals

I've always disliked funerals, I mean who likes them anyway? The whole situation is horrible; from the fact that they have lost their life whether to violence or illness, to the fact that their families have lost a son, daughter, mother or father. It tears me up and so I attend with a heavy heart. While there, I find myself looking at the pain on everyone's faces and the agony in their voices as they give their speeches, which only confirms why I dislike them in the first place. I tend to stay in my head a lot and focus less on the ceremony itself, don't ask me why because I'm not too sure.

I have been to quite a few funerals over the years and I've noticed one thing; the size of the turnout of the funeral is generally an indication of how many persons lives they've touched while they were alive. Of course other factors determine the turnout too, such as their fame, profession, age, family size etc. But generally speaking, you tend to have large numbers of persons at funerals for individuals who have positively impacted alot of lives. Take my aunt for example: she was a flourist and a wedding planner, an aunt, a mother, an awesome friend and a lover of people. She was stern, yet easy-going, fun and orderly. She was my mom's favourite sibling, my favourite aunt and her home was my favourite place to visit when school was out. A mother of only 2 biological daughters but she mothered so many others. Some relatives I only saw when I visited her house, they loved being around her and she always welcomed them. She was always getting gifts from her clients and they sang her praises, after all she did an excellent job and loved what she did. When she got sick, she slowed down but never stopped working and showing love. Her funeral was clear evidence of the love that she had and others had for her; people turned out in their numbers to celebrate and remember the life of the beautiful woman that she was. I think about her often and want to emulate her.

What motivated this blog post was a funeral that I attended a few weeks ago. A brother from the congregation that I grew up in died. I've known him from the age of about 8 but didn't really come to know and respect him until my late teens. He was a very humble man, but what stood out for me was how skilled he was with his hands. He wasn't very eloquent but that man could do almost anything you can think of, some people would say he was a "Jack of all trades". He did plumbing, farming, cooking, sales, he was a school bus driver etc. He was a super dad, loving husband, congregation elder, a good neighbour and friend. I always admired the love that existed between him and his wife even after being married for many years and how he defended and bonded with his children. He loved his Creator and enjoyed telling others about him. His death was a shocker for me because it was a bit sudden. Immediately, I started reflecting on the man he was and how he was always on the move. I went to his funeral already in a reflective mood. Surprisingly, I paid attention to every single word that was said about him at the funeral and I was fully present mentally. As I looked at the funeral program and listened to what was said about him I realized how impactful our actions are. The simple things do count and as Maya Angelou said, "----people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

At the time of my aunt's death I wasn't seeking the clarity that I seek now, I had different goals and desires then. This time around, I got what I wasn't expecting but so badly needed- a practical lesson. We should live our lives in a way that positively impacts others and it is often some of the "smallest things" that have the biggest influence. It doesn't take a lot to treat others well and to show them love plus it adds to our joy and quality of life. Though we have no clue who attends or how many are there at our funerals and may I highlight that it doesn't matter at all, the turnout and speeches of others at a funeral can really speak very loudly. I've learned several things that I will continue to reflect on: *life is fragile *love is powerful *treat others well *be humble *be grateful *live everyday as if it were your last 


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